Why we left

Why choose "exile" over "home"?

I promised I wouldn’t belabor the reasons we left the United States or generate a list of grievances to shout at the rain. However, by way of introduction in the early stages of this project, I do feel it’s important to provide a little backstory; a word or two about why we chose to leave and why we picked Ireland. I’m sure those reasons will exist implicitly or explicitly in much of the writing I do here. So let’s get it over with:

Throughout the last ten or twelve years, I’ve traveled extensively for work. Much of it throughout Europe and Asia. On average, I would travel twice a month for about a week at a time. Just long enough to get a taste of a new place but not long enough that it became onerous. It was the best part of my job. Of course, as anyone who travels extensively will tell you, it’s impossible to travel that much without it affecting your perspective on life and what might be possible.

Fortunately, as an executive for a large, multinational firm, I knew that making the leap to another country would be a bit easier than going it alone given that the company I work for has an office in almost every major city in the world. So, about five or six years ago, my wife and I decided to look into moving to Amsterdam. We both loved the city and it was a city that made sense for my career and for my role at the firm. So we initiated the process.

Amsterdam, January 2018

After a couple months of gathering approvals, we received a “net pay analysis” of what my new income would be in the Netherlands. It was a 50% cut from my US salary. Yes, it would keep us at the same “standard of living” but it was still a decrease that was tough to swallow. We backed off and scrapped our plans.

Then October 2023 happened. For context, my wife is an incredibly talented Palestinian photojournalist from Gaza. My daughters were also born there. October marked the latest and most brutal stage of a genocide that has been happening for over seventy years. I, too, had some of my own connections to Palestine. I had traveled to Palestine (West Bank) multiple times over the last twenty years as an international humanitarian volunteer and aspiring photojournalist (see below). That is actually how I met my wife for the first time about sixteen years ago. As a result, I was already very well-informed and active in the Palestinian cause since at least 2005. The bloodshed of October, however, was the initial crack in what would become a major break.

As the fibers of the life we had built continued to splinter and tear in the following days and weeks, we knew something had to change. Unfortunately, we had no real control over the things that really needed to change. But we could change how we live. Obviously, we had talked about leaving the US for a while. But at this point, we knew we were done. Something else was pulling us beyond typical “wanderlust”. We decided to make the leap, regardless of the financial outcome of that decision. After all, the calculus of our decision to move abroad had changed from just a couple years before. By late November 2023, I contacted HR at my company and requested to relocate again. This time to Ireland.

Why Ireland?

Ireland made no sense from a professional standpoint. Sure, my company had offices there but it is a tiny market. There wasn’t really any more room for a person at my level to be there. Additionally, there are virtually no people from my “division” in Ireland. But, again, our criteria had shifted. I was no longer interested in career advancement or income. I wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere I loved. Somewhere that would be safe for my family. Somewhere we would be welcomed as a Palestinian Muslim family. Somewhere we could breathe a little easier. Ireland was the obvious choice.

As an Irish-American in the US (I’m also half-Italian, thanks Mom!), I had learned Irish rebel and drinking songs as early as eight years old, singing them at family gatherings. My first taste of alcohol was two shots of Jameson administered by an uncle when I was around 17 or 18; something I regretted less than an hour later. I had traveled to Ireland at least ten times in the last fifteen years; family vacations, adventure races, and probably hundreds of pints of Guinness. Just the year before, in fact, I had taken my family to Ireland for spring break where we spent an amazing week in Dingle on the west coast.

Finally, and most importantly, Ireland is, by far, the most hospitable and friendly nation in Europe for Palestinians and the Palestinian cause. Just a casual drive through Dublin or any small town would reveal almost as many Palestinian flags as Irish ones.

Assorted Palestinian flags throughout Ireland

So, once again, after a few months of gathering approvals and a couple solo trips to secure the favor of key executives, our relocation was approved and my work visa was issued. On the evening of August 15, 2024, the four of us left Washington, DC on a one-way United ticket to Dublin. On August 16, around 8am, our passports were stamped and we were officially residents of Ireland.

About a week after we arrived, our girls began school. Our youngest was going to be in her sixth year at a small Catholic primary school in Dun Laoghaire. On the first day of school, the principal was greeting new students and asking where they were from. When he asked our daughter where she was from, she explained that she was coming from the US but was from Gaza. He leaned in and whispered, “You’re especially welcome here.” Upon entering the school there was already a Palestinian flag flying amidst the flags of other nations, something we had to fight their American schools for two months to accomplish. At that moment, we knew we were home.

So, there you have it. The elephant in the room. It’s hard for me to write about “exile” and a shifting sense of identity without first addressing the catalyst for those changes. That’s why we’re here. That’s why we chose “exile” over “home” and, going forward, that’s why we’ll be working on turning “exile” into “home”. We’re happier and more comfortable than we ever imagined, even though there certainly have been challenges. I’ll share some of them on this journey for sure. But this is where we are and this is where we will remain.